“Hey Ajeé,

All my life I wanted a very traditional lifestyle, to marry a man that I loved and have children with him. My problem is that I can’t find many guys that I am attracted to .. I find myself more attracted to women, but that’s not what I want. I know I’m not a lesbian because when I go to the south there are plenty of men that I’m attracted to. Do you think it could just be the guys up North that are not “floating my boat” so to speak?”

---

Me.,

 

Lol, that is definitely a possibility. But I don’t think you’d like every guy in the South and I don’t think you find every guy up North unattractive, either. Consider all the things you’d like in a guy: your perfect (or semi-perfect) specimen. And even if that guy is hard to come by, you know what you’re looking for and the truth is, you can find it anywhere in the world. As far as being attracted to women, if you are not a lesbian you may be bisexual… or just sexually fluid. However, it sounds like you seem to favor men more. And you want your future to be with a man, you want to be married and have kids which are traditional values. They’re important to hold on to if that is truly the vision you have for your life.

 

I don’t think you should focus too much on actively trying to find the right guy though… at least for now. You should probably just have fun and let things happen naturally. You don’t have to go looking for “Prince Charming” to find him. Having the “glass half empty” outlook on the matter won’t help either… Cut the guys up North some slack! 🙂 Someone might surprise you. But don’t force anything, do what feels right. Go with the flow and things will be fine. Just know what you want, and recognize it when you see it!

 

Hope I helped! ❤

 

Ajeé

“Hey I’m in desperate need of help. Me and my boyfriend of 2 years have been arguing so much lately over the most stupid shit and it’s literally exhausting me. I don’t wanna give up on us but I’m just so tired of always arguing all the time over nothing. What should I do?”

---

HelpMe,

 

Forgive me for laughing, (not that you knew that I was) but this is just a problem that is all too common these days. And I wanna say it’s normally just in younger relationships, but I know for sure that is not the case. There is a big difference between chemistry and compatibility. They say a good relationship needs both to really flourish, not just one or the other. Although chemistry may be what has brought you this far, compatibility just might not be there.

 

Now, if you feel there is a chance that you can work on the communication within your relationship, maybe it’s not worth giving up just yet. Lack of communication is also a huge problem in a lot of romantic relationships, but it could be a problem in any type of relationship. Try dropping an issue and revisiting it when you both have cooled down. It also helps to have a conversation before a fight even starts, discussing the best ways you can address issues that you both get very passionate about. Facing your own communication issues, and hearing your partner’s… two people who love each other should be able to work that out. A calm, honest conversation is always a great idea.

 

If that doesn’t work, or if your relationship continues to be more about arguing than anything else, the best option might be an amicable split. Sometimes your partner doesn’t see that you’re serious about making real changes to the relationship until you prove that you can walk away if necessary. Allow them to see that a solution to your problems is not impossible or optional. Also, try not to wait too long to address issues that have been on their mind (all bottled up inside) which usually results in a blow-up when they finally do come out. Practice maturity and tolerate nothing less… it may just have to start with you. 😉

 

Good luck on that. Hope I helped!

 

Ajeé

“I am 16 and just broke up with a guy who is 20. We dated for 3 months. I was his first girlfriend. He became very attached and wanted to settle down and have kids. He was trying to get a place fixed up to live in on his own. He wanted me to come live with him. My parents would not have liked that and I don’t want to settle down yet.

He does not understand why we broke up and thinks there is another guy or that I am not interested in guys. I saw him at the store the other day when I was with friends and he just turned and left. I just want to be his friend.

What if he messes his life up or does something stupid because of me? I asked him one day if he would ever hurt himself after we broke up and he said probably if nothing was going right in his life. Sometimes I wish that I had never gone out with him. But this is just another thing in life to learn from, right?”

---

ShyandConfused,

 

For starters, this is definitely not the guy for you. No offense, but a 20 year old has no business with a 16 year old – and a rational man would understand that you are in no position to build a new life and start a family right now. You haven’t even graduated from high school yet. I believe that you do care about him, but he’s sick. The next time you try for a relationship, make sure it’s an age appropriate one where you won’t have the problem of being in two different places in your lives, and wanting two completely different things. That’s the main problem with girls being so young and dating older guys. Now, once you’re in your twenties, a 4 year age difference won’t matter much. But there is a big difference between 16 and 20. And it says a lot about the guy, that he’d date a girl so young and not someone more closely related to his age or lifestyle.

 

Now, I doubt a 20 year old man had his first relationship with a 16 year old girl. I could be wrong, but that sounds like a lie. And while threats of suicide are serious and shouldn’t be taken lightly, it is not your job to govern his life. Those threats sound like a way to keep you around. I understand you want to be there for him as a friend, but even that sounds like a bad idea for you. Worry about yourself and let him go. It’s definitely another lesson in life to learn from 🙂 but you’ve only learned if you make the right choice and put yourself first…

 

Hope I helped!

 

Ajeé