“Seemingly hopeless romantic.. Not really desperate for love.. More or less, eager.. Not even for love though.. Just a connection. Maybe at this point it might just be that I need to work on myself more.. But since I’ve gotten out my relationship in February or something shit been weird wit chicks. I feel like what I get out of them is a necessity to maintain what it is to “look” like you have someone, but not really want them… To be completely honest, and I’m confiding in this site and its creator solely out of trust, in them and myself, It barely gets further than fucking and nothing. Idk I hope you get me. Or am I buggin? What to do?”

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Ceasarsthoughtsat2Am,

 

I believe that I do understand your sentiments. And I also believe that this is something that you can definitely work through. I’m also glad to see that you’ve done a lot of contemplating on the matter, and furthermore, you’ve done your own soul searching and you’re being honest with yourself about the situation. That’s majorly important, because most people are always blind to the facts when it comes to themselves. That or they’re just completely in denial. So for that, I commend you!

 

Now, you’ve been out of your previous relationship for just about two months short of a year, I think it’s safe to say it’s been a while. I’m not sure if the last girl you were with has left you with a jaded view on love and commitment, but it seems that way, in a sense. I think your problem with finding a genuine connection may be one of 3 things:

 

1. Subconsciously you’re afraid to commit because you’re not in the frame of mind to fully put your trust in another person again.
2. The girls you’re choosing to entertain just may be not fit your standards to begin with. And AGAIN, subconsciously you may be choosing these girls because you know that what they have to offer is limited, and you find a certain level of comfort in knowing what to expect, in addition to the fact that it provides you with your own sense of emotional security.
3. You may just feel lonely, in a way. You don’t seem like the settling type, nor do you seem like the kind of guy to mistake something temporary for something real. But sometimes our own pessimistic outlook on things can cloud our judgement either way. Believe me, I totally understand.

 

Now for a little advice!

 

Firstly, I feel like it was very perceptive of you to start by saying that you just might need to work on yourself a little. It may be easier said than done, but I think you should resist .. Or even diminish the urge to find something serious in a romantic sense. Being that most, if not all of your current/recent relationships have been very casual, maybe that’s a sign to just keep things casual for now. You’re probably not ready for something serious at the moment, and that’s fine. But accepting that fact will rid you of the feeling that you “need” something more or that something is missing. Reasons and seasons! This might just be your season to chill. ❄️ There’s nothing wrong with that, at all.

 

Finally, I’d just like to mention that I think that you may actually find what you’ve been looking for if you decide to STOP LOOKING! A lot of times, good things happen and great things come together when you least expect it. Patience is key. Keep the pressure off yourself for now. All things will be what and how they’re supposed to be in due time.

 

Now, if there’s anything more or you feel there are any bases I haven’t covered .. Feel free to hit me back! You know where to find me!

 

Really hope I helped out though!

 

Ajeé

“I recently started talking to someone. I really like that she is sensitive and outgoing. I can see myself being in a relationship with her but I’m not sure about it being long term since she is away at school and we haven’t met yet.. My really good friend has told me she likes me. I used to like her before we became close and I then became content with just being friends. The situation with the friend is that she doesn’t want a relationship right now and that she wouldn’t be able to handle that I go away for school. We talked about the potential between us having a relationship in the future and I know it’s something I see myself being in for the long run. I think my problem is I don’t want to waste anyones time but the relationship with my friend wouldn’t even be a possibility right now because she doesn’t want a relationship. I’m just trying to make the “right” choice. Help me.”

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DeLow,

From what I do understand, you’re talking about two different girls. The girl that you haven’t met yet, and the friend that you used to be into. Hopefully that’s what’s going on here.

The main problem I see here is that, ideally, on paper, neither of these two girls appear to be the best candidate to start a new relationship with right now. And that seems to be primarily because of all the distance between you and the both of them. That, and/or the distance to come.

Something else that I’m trying to understand is the relationship between these two girls in the first place. It sounds like they’re friends, or at least acquaintances of some sort. That’s because you said that the friend is who told you that the other girl wanted you. Conflict of interest??? Lol! I only ask because if that is the case, it’s messy in itself and if my plan was to pursue either one of them, my first course of action would probably be to make a choice.

Now, both girls seem to be nice. I think that the girl  you haven’t met yet is someone that you should probably take the time out to meet very soon. That is, if you really are considering a relationship. If you really want to, it’s not impossible to maintain a long distance relationship. It just takes a lot of compromise and commitment, not to mention loyalty.

The same could be said about your friend though. If you both really wanted that relationship, you could definitely make it work. But in a way, I think you answered your own question. Your friend doesn’t want a relationship. No matter the feels, she told you the bottom line. If she genuinely does not want or is not ready for a relationship, even if somehow you managed to get into one, it’d probably be damned from the start. If someone tells you they don’t want to be in a relationship, ALWAYS believe them! It’s probably for the best that you just maintain your friendship, and if anything, wait for a better time in both your lives to pursue something more.

That was a long post! 😂 But in short, you might be a lot better off building something completely new rather than striking old matches that don’t want to be sparked in a romantic way. In other words, don’t force anything!

REALLY hope I helped you!

Ajeé

“This somethin i usually talk to my bros about but i dnt they advice would help I think I need a female perspective.

Long story short, I love my girl. I never loved a girl before until her. I want to share the world with her kind of love, i see us together being a family….
But , for some reason as much as i love her & as much as i care about her feelings and try not to hurt her. As much as i see her being my future wife and mother of my kids & i know we still young & shit like that but thats who i want when that time comes……

BUT I Still cant help the fact i Sometime crush on other females. Like my heart, my soul is my girls to have and keep but i still feel urges to fuck with other females. Maybe cuz im still young and shit ? Idk but to get to the point

I want my girl I love my girl I dnt want to lose her. But i want to fuck wit other girls from time to time .. Nothing more nothing less . its just fuckin but i know its more than that to females. Ah nigga really dnt know what to do. I dnt wanna hurt herr dont wanna lose her also dnt want to neglect what i may want. Im confused dog lol. We been together for like a year too idk if dat would help wit your feedback. She help me grow & change in all my ways except this one. I havent cheated (physically at least) but im scared i will one day”

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Mr.Crush-a-Lot, my, my my…

 

I’ve gotta start out by saying that I appreciate your honesty… fidelity is something a lot of people in relationships struggle with, just more notably men, but it is honorable that you’ve made an effort to resist temptation and to remain faithful to your girlfriend. But let’s be honest…

 

I personally think that just judging from what you’ve said, you truly do love this girl. You want your future to be with her and you recognize the important role she plays in your life. A girl that lifts you up, that supports you, and especially one that you feel like you know is being faithful – it’s rare. As far as being young (you didn’t say your age but I’m assuming late teens to mid twenties) and wanting to have fun, I can understand still wanting to play the field. But, to be fair, it’s not always worth it. If you love her and can honestly remain faithful and happy, stick with her. If you say she’s this important to you, don’t ever play her because then you’re definitely the bad guy. You’re the worst guy if you don’t tell her. It makes more sense to leave her behind and do you if you really can’t resist the urge to cheat in the future. See if you can maintain a friendship rather than being sneaky behind her back. I’m 100% sure that if the shoe were on the other foot, and she felt this way about you? You’d probably have a heart attack. You say these things are more serious for females than males but I’d have to beg to differ. No matter the gender, betrayal hurts.

 

If all you’re doing is crushing, it’s not the worst thing in the world. It’d piss me off it were MY boyfriend crushing a lot, but I know a lot of guys who have always sort of been that way, so I really do feel for you. Physically cheating on someone you’re supposed to be in a monogamous relationship with can put you both at risk, though. That’s in addition to the emotional pain and embarrassment that comes along with these things. The whole point of monogamy is security, to build something strong and special with one person. It’s about loyalty… you shouldn’t feel tied down or held back at all. Just enjoy being in love. Be happy with what you’ve got because if someone else was with your girl, I’m guessing all the beautiful girls the city wouldn’t be able to take your mind off her.

 

And like they sayyy, good things don’t always last forever, so maybe enjoy this while it does last. Not saying that it won’t last by the way, but if you really want to play the field, do it respectfully and try to end your relationship amicabally before you hurt her. Do for her what you would want her to do for you, out of respect if nothing else. And I’m sure you know how karma works.

 

Anyway, good luck with everything!

 

Ajeé