“We used to be very good friends. But now you hate me . But I still love you. Anyway. My girlfriends friends are hoes. Which makes me think my girl may very well could be a hoe or a past hoe. But I love her. And her friends be you know, encouraging her to cheat & shit, but smiling in my face. I’m the best boyfriend her to her too btw. But that’s not the point. Do you think her friends are jealous and want to ruin it ? I look good. I treat her good. Fly dat lil bihh out and make them pieces hit .. All her friends just hit 😞. Help me.”

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SocietalNorms,

 

Don’t say I hate you! Lol. Although I’m not sure who this is, you should hit me up and we can talk about it, especially because I’d like to know more about your situation so I can help a little more. The more details the better, always.

 

Based off of the information provided, I would definitely assume that your biggest problem is with your girlfriend’s friends and not your girlfriend. I don’t know how long you two have been together, or how you know her friends encourage her to cheat and mistreat you… but if you know that for a fact then they’re clearly in the wrong.

 

The most important thing to remember here though, is that your girlfriend’s friends are NOT your friends. The same way I tell girls that their boyfriend’s friends are not their friends. No matter how often your significant other’s “friends” smile in your face and treat you cool, their loyalty will never be to you. Your significant other’s friends could even be privy to every single way your s/o has played you behind your back and will still act normally around you without any shame or guilt (hypothetically speaking).

 

With that being said, the pressure and responsibility is on your girlfriend to do right by you, not her friends. It’s clear that you don’t trust your girlfriend all that much, but that’s what you should have. Trust. You should know her well enough to know that no matter who’s in her ear, no matter where she is or what her surroundings are that she will always do right by you and have your best interest at heart. Besides the influence of her friends, I’m curious to know what else has happened that has planted seeds of mistrust between you two. Or even solely on your end.

 

So to answer your question, yes. I think her friends might be jealous. They might also just be careless human beings that like to stir up trouble. Your relationship should be immune to that sort of nonsense though. And I’m done with you and them pieces hittingggg 😂🙄 but listen, just have an honest conversation with her about how you feel and see where it goes. And maybe reconsider how much value you place on this relationship moving forward. If you can’t trust her, there will always be an air of discomfort around which honestly isn’t even worth the trouble. Maybe your relationship should be more casual, who knows? Hope I could help, though!

 

Ajeé

 

“have you ever considered just taking a break with your girl until you are able to get the feelings that you may feel for other woman out? and can be all about her? until then you may still be tempted to mess around with other woman and that’s not right to her if she’s being faithful to you. but you’re still young and still learning/growing, and maybe she will understand that.”

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Anonymous,

 

Well, I’m guessing in this particular situation you’re really just asking whether or not I understand your predicament and think it’s okay. The answer is, I do… and it depends. Here’s why:

 

Long story short, I think that you care about your girlfriend otherwise you wouldn’t be asking this. You wouldn’t even feel conflicted about it. So it’s not an issue of whether or not you care about her. It’s a matter of self-control and what you really want out of life. You need to be fully honest with yourself if you want to do what’s right by her. And the truth seems to be, you want some freedom.

 

Like you said, we’re all still young. That’s a major reason why I find no fault in how you feel. There’s no law that says you’re a bad guy unless you’re tied down to one chick. You’re only the bad guy when you ARE tied down, have someone around that cares about you, but you still end up playing them. Don’t do her or yourself that disservice. If you’re not ready to fully commit right now, just tell her that. A real woman would respect that over you messing around behind her back, any day. You have a chance at least at salvaging your friendship with that type of honesty. Being told something that hurts, but helps is a certain way to build trust between yourself and someone else. It means you’re willing to keep it real, no matter the cost. Believe me. But there is another side to this.

 

Her side.

 

If you’re gonna mess with other girls and you know it, dead the romantic relationship. And be sure to tell her that she’s not the reason you’re not ready, it’s just where you are in life right now and you wanna be honest. Reassure her by reminding her how special she is and how much she means to you. How she’s different from other girls and you just don’t wanna mess up a good thing by having it at the wrong time. But it’s her choice on how she’ll react. You know her, I don’t. Hopefully she does understand. She should. But she might not. Realize that she’s entitled to that. And it may take her a little time to come around. Again, it might not. But no matter what, she can never say you did her dirty, or tell herself that. Pay close attention to your delivery, that might make all the difference.

 

I appreciate your question, by the way. I enjoy understanding the different ways men and women may struggle with certain aspects of their relationships, as well as the problems that a lot of people just have in common. Your position is perfectly natural, imo. Just please follow through on your convictions and don’t run around cheating on her. Never burn the good bridges, just the faulty ones! Lol. And tell the bros I know what I’m talking about if they’re having any problems of their own .. 😂

 

Ajeé

 

“So I’m 17 and in a relationship for going on two years now. He has cheated on me twice but I’m still will him and sometimes ask myself why. I’ve realized that I love him a lot and don’t want to lose him, and also that were both still young with a lot of growing to do left on our plate. We went on a break but got back together, but every five minutes I’m worried about what he’s doing and want to check his phone etc. he used to let me, but not anymore now because he feels as if since I’ve taken him back I should be able to build a sense of trust and he should have back his privacy, which is true. But if he’s going to be sus with his actions that would only make me skeptical and leave me to assume. I don’t want to have our relationship go down the drain, and I want to get past the past but I don’t know how. Can you help?”

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Anny123,

 

I definitely can help! But I must warn that I might say a few things you’re not going to want to hear in this response. My hope is that you’ll be open minded to my perspective and understand that I wouldn’t tell you anything I wouldn’t tell a friend. Especially at your age. So, here we go:

 

1. I gather that you’ve been in your current relationship since you were 15. I was in a relationship with the same guy from ages 15-17 so I can already understand your frame of mind on the matter. No matter your age, 2 years is a long time. You say that he’s cheated twice already, that’s a bad sign. If I’m being perfectly honest, I’m not sure how you found out about his cheating in the past but those may not have even been the only two times. Just the two times he’s been caught. I think it’s important that you understand that cheating is not something you have to put up with in a relationship. No matter how long you’ve been with a guy, you were kind enough to give him a second chance after the first time. After the second, there’s no wonder all you do is worry. The trust is gone. The respect is gone. Don’t let this boy play you. I know you said you love him, and I won’t even say he doesn’t love you. All this cheating, however, demonstrates a blatant lack of respect. If you continue to extend yourself and “reward bad behavior” so to speak, his fear of losing you diminishes. Suddenly, you’re just the girl who’s always gonna be there.
2. Which leads me to my next point. He used to let you check his phone but now he doesn’t anymore because he feels he “deserves his privacy” and you agree. Girl, you’re right. We’re all entitled to our privacy. But you also shouldn’t have to worry about what he’s doing and saying in private in the first place. See what I’m saying? You’ve been betrayed. The feeling that you have is not going to go away, even if you’ve forgiven him. The residual effect of his cheating is your mistrust. It is natural and warranted. You are not wrong. I don’t know who you are, but I have a sister your age. If you were my little sister, I’d tell you to LET. IT. GO!

 

If you are completely against leaving then my best advice would be to have a straightforward conversation with him about how you’re really feeling about all this, and what you will and won’t accept moving forward. And then stick to that. Otherwise, he’ll just walk all over you and continue to do what he wants. My FIVE-STAR advice though? DUB him! I’m sure you can do better. You are so young and have all the time in the world to date. I’m 95% sure this will not be your last boyfriend. Don’t be in a rush to be locked down, figure yourself out for a while. Tell him the time isn’t right for y’all. I’m not saying be enemies, but I wouldn’t expect him to change anytime soon. Believe me, in a few months, a year, maybe even 2 .. you’ll look back on this relationship and ask yourself, “What was I thinking?” LOL. It’s all a learning experience in the end. Know this: There will never be a shortage of men who want a beautiful and dedicated woman by their side. NEVER. You’re not missing out on anything here! Also, going through phones is a NO, NO! So anyone who makes you feel the need to do that, you probably shouldn’t be with, anyway.

 

So don’t beat yourself up. You know what you need to do. Bite the bullet and do it! And if your friends are ever in some trouble, tell them where they can find me. 😉

 

Ajeé