“Hey, just another ex friend whom you hate now here for advice. There is this girl, she is cool I like her but I dont know how much. I can’t tell the difference, do I think she’s a really cool friend or am I actually developing romantic feelings? Granted we don’t hang out alot, just here and there like regular functioning people in their early 20s who attend school and have jobs. I do however find myself usually hoping that the next window of free time I have is filled with linking her (aswell as other friends in the circle). I always found her attractive physically but her mind and spirit seems to get more beautiful by the day. She has a boyfriend, i think, but regardless I dont really see myself jepordizing the comfortability of our relationship as friends, thats just my character. Im pretty sure she is oblivious to these feelings of mine but im even more sure that if she is aware she would neverrrr address it or even reciprocate given her situation. All I am trying to figure out is in my mind, is this a friend that I love as a person or a person that I want to love more than a friend?”
Nookie Thompson,
Lol. Now you know if you’re gonna start your post like that, you’re gonna have to make yourself known! But more importantly, I’m gonna try my best to help you out here.
Now. The situation you’re in right now does seem to be a tricky one. And it seems like you and this girl really do have a nice, light-hearted friendship. That’s part of the reason I’m not sure why you’re not sure whether or not she has a boyfriend. I would assume that’s something you’d be sure about! And it’s clearly a majorly important factor in all this, it could potentially even change my answer. However, there are other clear, glaring factors in all this that may mean a little more.
To answer your first question, and probably most important, I think you do have romantic feelings for her. You can’t wait until the next time you’ll see her, you’ve always found her physically attractive and you’re becoming more attracted to her mind and the essence of who she is as time progresses. That sounds like someone developing feelings that are more than platonic for someone else.
BUT. You say you think she won’t feel the same way or wouldn’t even suspect your feelings, and you don’t want to ruin your friendship. I respect that and agree with the sentiment. Especially if she has a boyfriend right now and you know she wouldn’t be receptive, and especially because things like that can really complicate a friendship beyond repair.
I do like to encourage people to be honest and open in their relationships, whether they’re romantic or not. I just don’t want to tell you to go for it and then, given these conditions, you’re put in an awkward or unnecessary situation. Maybe when/if she’s single, shoot your shot. That’s honestly up to you. But quality friendships are hard to come by and maybe it’s more important to preserve that and allow yourself to find love elsewhere.
All in all though, with time you never know what could happen. So I’d say be patient and let this journey run it’s course. Continue getting to know this girl and enjoying her company. At the end of the day, it’s a gamble regardless. So wait it out, and see what happens. I just want you to consider all the options and see the benefit(s) in maintaining your relationship as is, for a while. Hope I helped!
Ajeé
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