“I’m 17 turning 18 in June. I have a job, in school, have a great family and friends but I’m lonely. I can sit in my room and feel nothing. I have tried filling this loneliness with fun with my friends or work but it doesn’t help. I haven’t spoke to any guys since the last guy I messed around with because I’m scared of getting hurt again. My friends think I should give guys a chance but I feel like not everyone deserve to get to know me. I just don’t wanna be 18 and alone. But I don’t want to open to anybody..”
Maria,
I just want to start this post by saying that I have a younger sister your age, just turned 18. And I’m not gonna tell you anything different than I would tell her.
The way you started your post showcases just a few of the ways that you are truly blessed. You said it yourself, you’re getting ready to turn 18, you have a job, you’re a student and have people around you who love you and care about you. I hate to sound cliché, but there are so many people in this world, and probably people that you know who don’t even have that. Don’t take it for granted, because as you get older you’ll begin to realize what’s truly important in life and what wasn’t worth your time. If you don’t appreciate what you do have, you may look back and find those things should’ve meant the most to you all along.
With that being said, I completely understand how it is to feel lonely and to want to fill a void. You say that fun, friends and work can’t fill that void. That might lead you to believe that a guy might be the right thing to fill that void, but if you want my COMPLETE honesty, that may be the one thing that can complicate life for you even more right now.
You’re very young in the sense that, you have a ton of time to find the person you want to be with. AND you have PLENTY of time to date throughout the course of your life as you begin to learn more about yourself and grow as a human being and a woman.
You’re in a position right now where you’re desperately looking for something, and so in this particular case, it makes you needy. Now you’re looking for a guy and the second you find someone and finally latch on, they’re your source of security and happiness. Then, how you’re feeling might rely solely on how you and that guy are doing. That’s not what you need and I truly believe that it’s 1000% fine if guys are not your main focus right now. You were right when you said that not everyone deserves to get to know you! Maintain that air of confidence about yourself because that is what’s gonna keep you focused and increase your own self-respect.
So, I’m basically saying DON’T listen to your friends. And there’s nothing wrong with talking to guys or finding someone you happen to like but not every guy has to be your boyfriend and not every guy you talk to has to lead to ANYTHING serious.
Finally, I want to reassure you that you won’t end up alone. Your life has just begun and each day is a blank canvas, you really have no idea how wonderful your future can be. You say nothing has been able to fill that void you’re feeling, I challenge you to find a passion. Find what makes you happy, find what makes you great, find your gift. Everyone has one! I, myself am a writer and I’m good with people, I’m good at giving advice and articulating my thoughts. So, here I am! And this is only the beginning.
No matter who is in your life, you should be happy within yourself. And there is no feeling in the world more fulfilling than finding your passion, your calling and walking in it. That’s what makes you great, building on that. And I don’t mind speaking with you one on one if you feel like you may need help figuring out what that is. Strong women are so necessary in our world today!
And I know this was a very long post, btw! I just want to make sure that you understand how serious I am when I say focusing on your success is truly the best thing right now. You’re at that age, and you have to love yourself and be able to be happy alone before you can try to be a part of building something totally new with someone else. That’s just the way of the world, love. So, I hope you understand where I’m coming from! Good luck.
Ajeé
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