“SO. Long long long long story short. In high school, I was in a very serious relationship with the guy I loved. We broke up because we were going to be long distance, and we both needed the opportunity to grow. I don’t mind that part, even though at the time I didn’t really understand it, and my heart broke. We were together for only a year and two months. He was my first, he knew my family, he was fun and just.. everything. It took me a long time to get over the fact that things weren’t going to be that way anymore. I talked to and dated other people. (I actually started dating someone prematurely, and by that I mean almost a few months after my HS man and I broke up, and I was still grieving him but I thought stupidly I was over it. <This, I later learned broke his heart that I started dating again so soon.) I’ve been through a lot since. Recently we found our way back into a wonderful stable friendship that exceeds any other relationship I’ve ever had, in maturity, understanding, love, comfortability. We never really stopped being cool, even though I had to delete him off my social media, and everything to help myself not want to pree through all his pics and what not so I could finally fully heal 2 and a half years later. (also because I was doing this jealous ex gf thing for a while too.) I am extremely nostalgic. But now, we’re all good again. We had a conversation about what we are after so many years. More than friends. Not just exes. Closer than brothers and sisters. I’m okay with that too. I also told him I now have a boyfriend, and he of course, was cool about that too. Why wouldn’t he be? We’re living our lives now. I will always always always love this man. We are such good friends, we’re really platonic. Like.. there’s no suggestive talk or anything that could even be considered cheating.
Right now, things with my new boyfriend who I went through so much to be with, are like.. weird. I think we’re just still finding our rhythm. I really care about him and I want things to work. So it’s not even a question of do I feel for him or blah blah. Still, I’m starting to feel like I made the same mistake as I did over three years ago. I started dating someone and cut off the possibility of me and my HS sweetheart (ima just say HSS) being together. Lol. I don’t know if I’m just interpreting things wrong, or if I’m just too attached to see this whole thing clearly. Maybe it’s wishful thinking. Like even if me and my bf broke up, my HSS and I probably won’t even end up together. Not right now, because we are still long distance. Even though I know many people who think we’ll still date somewhere along the line in life. But yeah. I’m having a hard time trying to figure out what to do or how to feel. I’m not even unhappy in my new relationship, I just can’t ignore the what if.
You might not be able to give me advice, because well… I don’t know if I’m really asking anything. But I would like to know what you think about the whole thing.”
TumultuousRomantic,
Wow. This is a lot.
And yeah, I was looking for the question in all of this, but there are a few things to be said about your situation… I’m here to help 🙂
The first thing that I’ll say is that I think you’ve actually looked a lot into your situation and realized some patterns about yourself which is a sure sign of a rational person, LOL. It seems as though you have a history of, like you said, rushing into things. And the worst possible thing you can do to get over a serious relationship is to jump into another one. It’s bad for all parties involved. You’re still scarred from your past hurt, and you’re probably not going to be able to be fully present in a new relationship before you have recovered from the last one. Normally I’d encourage casual dating but you’re already in a new relationship.I just think it’s important to learn and heal from the mistakes of your past to create a better future. It really does the heart good!
As far as your current boyfriend, I don’t know how long the two of you have been dating. Maybe you still need more time to build up a stronger bond. But there you go again, saying that you feel this relationship may have been a way to distract you from your ex. And here’s the thing – you’re pretty sure that because you’re still long distance, you two probably wouldn’t be together any time soon either way. That is why you broke up in the first place, right? So listen to yourself. You’re not completely lost in this .. see the reality for what it is. Focus on your new relationship. And if it happens not to work out, take a BREAK before seeking out a new relationship girl, slow down. Men are everywhere, all the time. A new commitment is not always the answer. Have some fun or take some time to be alone.
I really want to say this too, though. I hear about people who split from their relationships and never fall out of love with that person no matter where they go, what they do, who they’re with or how long it’s been. I’ve always wondered about that because I’ve never experienced it. It honestly seems like you’re still in love with your ex. You say it’s so platonic, and I hope so because it would be wrong for you to disrespect your new relationship. But I think deep down, (and not that deep btw) you really do still love him. The timing may not be right today, but you never know what the future holds. Just don’t wait around, counting on that in order to be happy. What’s meant to be will be. And right now, that relationship isn’t for you. So find a way to be happy just being friends, seriously.
I know this was a long response, but you wrote a long post! LOL. I really hope I provided some insight though, love can be very tricky sometimes. Be smart.
Ajeé
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