“Hey theree!!! My boyfriend is a HORRIBLE communicator. He expresses himself very well, he is intelligent and rational and great. But I mean, like, he’s very old school. He’s soooo bad with keeping up with his phone (a lot of the time his phone didn’t work or was old so he hasn’t gotten used to using one that functions. he’s not concerned about social media or anything.. he’s really focused on whatever he’s doing.) But my thing is.. phones and stuff are apart of our relationship. We could go 24 hours without talking and he wouldn’t even think to hit me up.. or to answer my text!! He’s honestly fried in that sense. He’s a great guy, just a fried one.
I am not very loud about my concerns when I have them because I don’t like to sound whiny or complain or whatever, but this sucks.
We just went almost 24 hours without talking and I called him to see if he was alive or okay, and he’s all good! We got off the phone, he’s about to be busy allll day. And honestly, it irks me so much I feel like I do not have a boyfriend. && It’s not just me that complains about this. His own friends.. his BOYS complain about it too. Should I tell him I feel like I don’t have a boyfriend?? I’m never completely honest about how I’m feeling when things like this happen.”
Hey shygirlfriend,
I truly understand your sentiments… you may not like everything I’m gonna say but I’m gonna keep it as real as I possibly can, from where I see things.
Nobody that’s in a relationship wants to feel like they’re not in one. Nobody wants to feel like the person they’re in love with doesn’t randomly think about them throughout the day, doesn’t care to check on them or seenhow they’re doing. No one wants to feel like their s/o is always too busy to even spare a reply to a text or a phone call back at some point during the day. In a world where most people have their phones on their person at all times, a lack of communication in that sense can be really hard to understand. In a way, it almost implies “This person just clearly doesn’t care.”
BUT the truth is… not everyone is always on their phone. Most people are. But not all. It sounds like you know your boyfriend pretty well… maybe he is very busy. And you can’t be petty about not being able to talk all day, everyday. However, going entire days without speaking at all, I won’t front, is something I wouldn’t like either. So I don’t think you’re wrong for feeling fed up by now. And everyone’s needs are different, he needs to understand yours.
You shouldn’t feel too shy to open up to him. If you can’t be open about your feelings concerning your relationship with your own boyfriend, who CAN you really be open about them with!? I get not wanting to complain all the time, but if this is a complaint you constantly have to make, that may tell you all you need to know. Don’t be afraid (because to me, in this situation “shy” and “afraid” are synonymous) to talk to your boyfriend because of how he might react. You’re not being unreasonable and don’t let him make you think that you are. It must be terrible to feel like you have to beg for attention from someone who’s supposed to love you, someone that you clearly love dearly. Technically, from the only person you’re even “allowed” to get that a attention from (as someone’s girlfriend). And that’s not right.
Meanwhile, I guess it’s sort of comforting for you to know he’s the same way with his friends, so at least it’s not just you. And that’s cool and all. But from my experience, your girl is totally different. When you’re with a good girl, your girlfriend is really your best friend. That bond is different. If he doesn’t use his phone like that, I’m not saying to tell him to have his phone glued to his hands at all times, I’m not saying he’s never allowed to miss a phone call, but he has to do better. It really shouldn’t be this hard to send a text at some point during the day just to be like “Hey, still breathing over here,” LOL. I mean, seriously.
I think the best thing for you to do here is to find a compromise. TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL. Don’t whine, don’t argue, just tell him how you feel and why. Also, propose a solution that can work for both of you. See if he makes a change. But clearly you’re very unhappy about this, so really make sure he gets it. Keep a level head and make your point. Try to be reasonable with your demands. And if he doesn’t change or see the error in his ways, maybe it’s time you move more like him. You don’t seem like the type, but maybe if he saw how it felt to never be able to reach you, he would see very clearly where you’re coming from. Maybe if you stopped stressing so much about talking to him all the time, you’ll actually realize some things… but I’ll leave that to you! I’m not trying to lead you away from your relationship or anything but you gotta decide what you can and cannot tolerate. I say try to work on it, but don’t be dumb either, seriously. It is not that hard to pick up a phone!
Maybe once you talk to him, you can let me know how it goes? I’m interested in how he may respond, and how YOU may respond! And if you need anymore help, you know how to find me 😉 I really hope I helped you in some way. This can be fixed, but it’s up to him! And it’s up to you to speak up and put your foot down miss, good luck!
Ajeé
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