“I am 16 and just broke up with a guy who is 20. We dated for 3 months. I was his first girlfriend. He became very attached and wanted to settle down and have kids. He was trying to get a place fixed up to live in on his own. He wanted me to come live with him. My parents would not have liked that and I don’t want to settle down yet.
He does not understand why we broke up and thinks there is another guy or that I am not interested in guys. I saw him at the store the other day when I was with friends and he just turned and left. I just want to be his friend.
What if he messes his life up or does something stupid because of me? I asked him one day if he would ever hurt himself after we broke up and he said probably if nothing was going right in his life. Sometimes I wish that I had never gone out with him. But this is just another thing in life to learn from, right?”
ShyandConfused,
For starters, this is definitely not the guy for you. No offense, but a 20 year old has no business with a 16 year old – and a rational man would understand that you are in no position to build a new life and start a family right now. You haven’t even graduated from high school yet. I believe that you do care about him, but he’s sick. The next time you try for a relationship, make sure it’s an age appropriate one where you won’t have the problem of being in two different places in your lives, and wanting two completely different things. That’s the main problem with girls being so young and dating older guys. Now, once you’re in your twenties, a 4 year age difference won’t matter much. But there is a big difference between 16 and 20. And it says a lot about the guy, that he’d date a girl so young and not someone more closely related to his age or lifestyle.
Now, I doubt a 20 year old man had his first relationship with a 16 year old girl. I could be wrong, but that sounds like a lie. And while threats of suicide are serious and shouldn’t be taken lightly, it is not your job to govern his life. Those threats sound like a way to keep you around. I understand you want to be there for him as a friend, but even that sounds like a bad idea for you. Worry about yourself and let him go. It’s definitely another lesson in life to learn from 🙂 but you’ve only learned if you make the right choice and put yourself first…
Hope I helped!
Ajeé
Ask Ajeé 